Sad to be Glad

It’s been awhile since I’ve ached for a shot at hope.

At happiness.

Whatever you want to call it.

In those times of fear and dread, a fire was lit in my spine urging me to play defense.

To let those know that they aren’t the only ones that felt cast away.

A lot of the time, we joke and no one understands.

A lot of the time we feel as if we’re the character of our own movie that might not have the particular ending we want.

Now, in a sense of fulfillment, I am unfulfilled.

I have everything anybody could want.

Healthy family.

Best friends.

Good job.

My own apartment.

This and that.

But in a steady lifestyle, I feel even more ashamed than I’ve ever felt before.

A fire was put out.

The need to speak to those people has turned into an option.

The feeling of being that character in a movie has become nothing more than an extra getting paid by the hour.

It’s feels as if there’s nothing to worry about anymore with the notion that I’m doing just fine.

With that, comes the problem.

I’m sad to be glad.

Maybe somebody feeling like shit is the key to a better universe for the rest of us.

To give that person a reason to make art that inspires the rest of us

Art keeps us going around and around, wider and wider.

Artists rule the world and even these governments that set laws are unaware of it.

I’ll be dead again some day.

Until then, don’t take being sad for granted.

AltaLoma 4:14 pm

Reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and to do your homework in the dark.

Advertisements

M.S.R

I’m nothing like you.

Thank God for that.

AltaLoma 10:20 am

Reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and to do your homework in the dark.

We are AltaLoma

I’m being suffocated again.

He’s back for another laugh or two.

The thing about this dude is that he’s oblivious.

Unaware that we’re cut from the same cloth.

There’s no winning.

I can feel his struggle trying to get me out of here.

He’s scared.

But nonetheless, there’s no quit in him.

That’s where we’re alike.

His sharp teeth showing through his weasel like little grin.

Doesn’t know when to stop returning.

I come from elements more refined than he does.

There is no such strength in his grip around my neck that can kill me.

But it’s the effort that I admire.

A worthy rival.

We’re meant to do this for eternity.

Cheers, bud.

I’m laughing with you.

AltaLoma 4:38 pm

Reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and to do your homework in the dark.

In Blood

Yeah, I admit it.

I write with a pen dipped in my own blood,for you.

Yeah, I admit it.

And I’ll smear every word written, for you.

Yeah, I admit it.

I walk around and cry invisible tears, for you.

Yeah, I admit it.

And I’ll taste them on their way down, for you.

Yeah, I admit it.

And when they ask, I’ll act like I don’t care anymore, for you.

Yeah, I admit it.

And I’ll get drunk in the backseat of a car with her, for you.

Yeah, I admit it.

They’re doing 95, playing songs about the club.

My lips being pulled by a set of unfamiliar teeth.

And when we get there, it’ll be fun.

“Twenty Four and there’s so much more.”

But we linger in the back of my head like the name of a song I’m trying to remember.

On the tip of my tongue.

Yeah, I admit it.

AltaLoma 8:53 pm

Reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and to do your homework in the dark.

Not Literally

Sometimes. I can be a real cocksucker. Not literally. I run my mouth whether people want to listen or not. It’s not that I don’t give a shit about what they think or how they feel, because I do. I just can’t help it. My dad was a dick. And I…well I came out an asshole. Not literally. No, I didn’t get shit into a toilet bowl and start to do back strokes. You know what the fuck I mean. I get pretty fired up being in my own head a lot of the time that when somebody or something does something I don’t really like, I snap. Why are you even reading this shit? I don’t consider anything I’ve done even the slightest contribution to modern art. I’m just rambling. Ain’t no euphemisms or words to make me sound smart here. Just flat out rambling. Why? Because it’s Saturday and I’m home. Pretty pissed about that too. Kinda went off track a tad.

Do you ever feel as if you’re out of your fucking mind? Do you catch yourself having a conversation with yourself while nobody’s watching? Do you ramble out weird shit while you drive simply because you can? Have you ever been this way with somebody you were attracted to emotionally? How did that go? Did they call you a creep? Did they find it so fucking unbearably sexy that they pulled down your pants, turned you around, and started licking your ass till it smelt like petunias? How many days out of the week are you truly 101% yourself with human beings? Don’t lie. “Muthafucka, I’m always myself, I don’t give a muthafuck.” Yeah okay, badass, maybe you are. Then that’s good. I want that. I want people to be themselves. All the time. That’s the only way we get smarter as one. That’s the only way love becomes easier to find. Real love. Everything else is for the birds. This “faking it” shit to get laid then lying in bed with some being who’s just taking up space in your bed. I’m just rambling. Let me ramble some more. You feel like killing your self? Good. Cry. Hurt. Feel that shit. Let your blood evaporate until there’s nothing left but your heart and your brain. Then do something with them. Know that you were put here for a reason whether you want to believe it or not. Copping out means that you let the dark side of your self beat you and eat you alive. Don’t. Keep it alive and cage it up. Feed it when it’s hungry. It’s one hell of a friend if you treat it like family. You might not understand what I’m saying right now, but if you push on with life, I’m positive you will down the line.

What’s to make of these words that have been spoken by millions of individuals before me and the millions before them?

What drives you to wake up and get out of bed everyday besides survival? Is it your car? Is it doubt from people you despise? Is it a vow you made to somebody special? Is it somebody special? Is it because you want to change the world? Are you just bored?

Do you think you’ve felt everything you’ve needed to feel already? Are you afraid that all that’s left are lesser versions of those feelings? I got that from a movie I’ve seen for the first time today. I won’t tell you what it’s called though. Just kidding, it’s called Her. Joaquin Phoenix kills that fucking shit, cuhz. He blasts that muhfucka. One of the best movies I’ve ever seen in my life. Highly recommend it.

AltaLoma 1:33am

Reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and to do your homework in the dark.

*sigh*

I swear I like to think that I’m a good person.

Something people cry to as they watch a hearse spin.

Taking me away in return for my confound sin.

I’m sorry oh I’m sorry oh I’m sorry for what it’s been.

I’ll be a flower cut short to make a sad girls day.

In return to save my memories from being smeared away.

This world is so sick, whats the medicine to make it better?

Laughter, television, or giving a homeless man a sweater?

I’m tired of this shit, I’m sure I’m ready to go.

But I swore to my mother I wouldn’t leave until we grow.

Happiness is hiding somewhere inside a frozen creek.

Skating on it constantly trying my best to make it weak.

Someday it’ll crack and I can drown inside of it.

Looking up at the faces looking back at me, I’ll love it.

I’m starving, I should eat the pizza inside my fridge.

But I’m too busy thinking about my friend who jumped the bridge.

Laying in a slouch

Waiting on this energy to shift.

Hoping someone like me

Reads this and catches on my drift.

AltaLoma 10:35pm

Reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and to do your homework in the dark.

ale house

checking the id

accompanied by a handful of change

exchanging smiles as she walked away

pour the brew, buddy

get back to work

passport from the other side of the world

wait…let’s pause for a sec

when you read these, how do you interpret them?

I probably sound like I’m just trying to sound cool, don’t I?

That’s pretty tight *laughs*

well they’re pretty personal

suck my dick

ahem

back to what I was saying

I fall in love with a different girl about 72 times a day

That’s more than the average faggot

Wouldn’t you say?

Missed texts like mosquito bites on my neck

This heat is killing thee

Blue eyes still piercing me

A message from the other side of the world

Finally something interesting

Summer days

Summer days

Summer days

Summer days

Summer days

Summer days

Summer days

Are Arizona iced teas still a dollar?

AltaLoma 1:53 pm

Reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and to do your homework in the dark.

Summer days