Not Literally

Sometimes. I can be a real cocksucker. Not literally. I run my mouth whether people want to listen or not. It’s not that I don’t give a shit about what they think or how they feel, because I do. I just can’t help it. My dad was a dick. And I…well I came out an asshole. Not literally. No, I didn’t get shit into a toilet bowl and start to do back strokes. You know what the fuck I mean. I get pretty fired up being in my own head a lot of the time that when somebody or something does something I don’t really like, I snap. Why are you even reading this shit? I don’t consider anything I’ve done even the slightest contribution to modern art. I’m just rambling. Ain’t no euphemisms or words to make me sound smart here. Just flat out rambling. Why? Because it’s Saturday and I’m home. Pretty pissed about that too. Kinda went off track a tad.

Do you ever feel as if you’re out of your fucking mind? Do you catch yourself having a conversation with yourself while nobody’s watching? Do you ramble out weird shit while you drive simply because you can? Have you ever been this way with somebody you were attracted to emotionally? How did that go? Did they call you a creep? Did they find it so fucking unbearably sexy that they pulled down your pants, turned you around, and started licking your ass till it smelt like petunias? How many days out of the week are you truly 101% yourself with human beings? Don’t lie. “Muthafucka, I’m always myself, I don’t give a muthafuck.” Yeah okay, badass, maybe you are. Then that’s good. I want that. I want people to be themselves. All the time. That’s the only way we get smarter as one. That’s the only way love becomes easier to find. Real love. Everything else is for the birds. This “faking it” shit to get laid then lying in bed with some being who’s just taking up space in your bed. I’m just rambling. Let me ramble some more. You feel like killing your self? Good. Cry. Hurt. Feel that shit. Let your blood evaporate until there’s nothing left but your heart and your brain. Then do something with them. Know that you were put here for a reason whether you want to believe it or not. Copping out means that you let the dark side of your self beat you and eat you alive. Don’t. Keep it alive and cage it up. Feed it when it’s hungry. It’s one hell of a friend if you treat it like family. You might not understand what I’m saying right now, but if you push on with life, I’m positive you will down the line.

What’s to make of these words that have been spoken by millions of individuals before me and the millions before them?

What drives you to wake up and get out of bed everyday besides survival? Is it your car? Is it doubt from people you despise? Is it a vow you made to somebody special? Is it somebody special? Is it because you want to change the world? Are you just bored?

Do you think you’ve felt everything you’ve needed to feel already? Are you afraid that all that’s left are lesser versions of those feelings? I got that from a movie I’ve seen for the first time today. I won’t tell you what it’s called though. Just kidding, it’s called Her. Joaquin Phoenix kills that fucking shit, cuhz. He blasts that muhfucka. One of the best movies I’ve ever seen in my life. Highly recommend it.

AltaLoma 1:33am

Reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork and to do your homework in the dark.

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